


Never Let The Hardcore Fujoshi Friend Find You When Underwear Shopping

by MutsumiMaeno



Category: Yandere Simulator (Video Game)
Genre: Also wanted to make fun of Ayano's panty choices., But she actually gives good advice, Comedy, Crack, Crack Fic, Friendship, Fujoshi!Supana, Gay Male Character, Gay Panic, Gen, Hope you have fun~, I just wanted to point out the patterns I've seen with Yaoi Mangas that I read., Male-Female Friendship, Sexual Themes, Supana being a yaoi fangirl, Underwear, You Have Been Warned, dont take this seriously
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-19
Updated: 2019-09-19
Packaged: 2020-10-21 19:36:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20698772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MutsumiMaeno/pseuds/MutsumiMaeno
Summary: A fujoshi helps a gay man pick an underwear that she thinks will make him more attractive to a "seme". Whatever that is.... Unexpectedly, despite the rotten nature of the fujoshi, she surprisingly gives out some deep reasons why he has to wear that specific underwear.I don't know where I'm going with this, but I wanted to write something funny. A crack-fic that I wrote at 12AM while running in sleep deprivation. Have fun~





	Never Let The Hardcore Fujoshi Friend Find You When Underwear Shopping

**Author's Note:**

> This is not meant to insult anyone. Just making fun of Yaoi tropes.
> 
> :D

Things will probably go downhill from now on.... Chills crawled all over my spine and it's not because of the mall's air conditioning. No. Right now, my club member has decided to join me in my shopping. Normally people would find it endearing. Most would definitely spout some stuff like "Wow, a kohai helping and following around a senpai? Isn't that adorable~?".

While I do agree with them, the kohai in question is Supana Churu. She's weirder than the rest of the club members combined.

This girl speaks a language even stranger than Daku's, her eyes are much more observant and keen than my right-hand man Chojo, she matches in power when it comes to Kokuma, and she knows how to get people to do things for her like Oka.

In short, she was dangerous.

Thankfully, she doesn't exert much effort on anything.... but one, and that would be...

"Shin-senpai~ Come on! Walk faster~ I've found where it is!!" The twin-tailed girl called out in excitement, sparkles are basically floating around her at this point.

_(Oh help me, Kamisama.) _"Yeah, yeah. I'm going."

I murmured a prayer as we entered the Men's Underwear section. That's right... all she cares about... is shipping. If she can find a way to help make her ships come true, she'd expend anything, _anything_ just to help. I don't know why she thinks that picking my underwear will magically get me a boyfriend but regardless, if she's involved and manning the activity, things will spiral out of control quickly.

We walked through the shelves as the occult girl looked around in awe. She turns to me with a sparkle on her eyes. "Shin-senpai~ What underwear do you-"

I covered her mouth as quick as I can. "Shh!!! You can't just ask _that_!" I whispered lowly.

"Ruuude~!!" She pouted. "I was just trying to help you out! I gotta do my best so you can attract a hubby cause you won't do it yourself!"

My palms just covered up my red face."Oh my god, stop! Everyone will hear you!"

"Just tell me your underwear already or else I'll strip you~ Ue hee hee~" She giggled maniacally. _(I should probably just leave her here but... I dont't want to do that to her.)_

Dragging her to a corner, I mumbled my underwear. "I'm sorry what? I'll definitely pull through with the stripping if you won't tell me~" She flexed her hands, just to prove her point.

.

.

.

"White.... briefs."

"W-what?!" She exclaimed rather dramatically. "WHAT?!? OH MY SEVEN PRINCES OF HELL!!"

I lowered my shirt in embarrassment. "W-why? What's the matter with it....?"

"Only a plain sow would wear _that_. To attract the boys, you gotta go bold and up your hotness factor!" Supana screeched and began to walk in circles. She's really out here freaking out over the underwear I wear as if it repels my chances of relationship. Rude.

"I-I don't see the point.... White is nice." I defended poorly.

"Pleeeease~~!!!!" She tuts. "Don't you read fanfiction?! What if you and your future hubby get stuck in a room with just one bed and your shirt rides up and he sees that!?? I mean, _sure_ it's fine, but you want. to. seduce. him!" She clapped every word for emphasis. "That's where the sexy times starts!"

My lips thinned into a line as I stared at her ramblings. "What the heck is a fanfiction?!"

"Never mind the details, I'm so glad that I _coincidentally_ ran into you!" Somehow the weird wording of 'coincidentally' makes me suspicious. Don't tell me she found out through my mom or something. "Let this Super High School Level Shipper help you out!"

"How about no-"

"HOW ABOUT YES!" Without bringing any room for an argument, she drags me away.

_(I'll serve and become the shrine priest for any god just please save me.) _My prayers were not heard. Kamisama, you're cruel.

* * *

"Hey hey! How about this pink one~? Pink is the color of LOVE! Love makes the world go around.... and you rolling around the bed! Nyahahaha~!"

I sighed for the nth time. "I already said that I'm not getting any thongs. Just please,_ please_ not thongs." Some guys are staring at me pitifully. If you have time to feel pitiful, please come up with an excuse to get me out of here!

"Shinpai~ Ohoho~" Supana called out callously. "How about this~" She waves the "underwear" as if to make it more tempting to wear.

"T-t-that's... THAT'S JUST STRINGS!!! THAT'S EVEN WORSE THAN A THONG!" I pointed at the offending thing. "That's just... that's.... w-why does that _thing_ exist?!"

She puts it back and sighs. "Man, you're not making this any easier.... I've just picked out all of the sexy ones that I can find...." The twin-tailed girl sits down and thinks. "What type of guy do you even like, Shin-senpai?"

"My type....?" I thought for a moment. "Hmm... I don't really know."

The occult-fujoshi lit up with an idea. "Okay. Let me lay down all of the anime-tropes that I've seen through BL games! With this, I should be able to hopefully help you identify your type!"

"Uh..." I feel apprehensive. What if she determines my type and my dating pool shrinks because I've realized that I have a type!?

"First one is~ The Childhood Friend!" She nods... "By the way, I always root for the childhood friend!"

"G-get to the point!"

She nods eagerly. "Ahem! This one is the type of guy who wants the best for you! Because he's the one who knows you from way back then, he's also the one who can take care of you the best! Usually, you know each other so much that it's very hard to form a romantic relationship! To combat that, one of the most common tropes the narrative takes to force a romance route is to place the two childhood friends to be drifting apart and both realize their feelings for each other!"

_(That's so familiar...)_ I shook my head and asked. "How does this connect to my underwear choice...?" I'm genuinely curious. Why the heck would she think an underwear can make a difference?

"You see, if your type is the childhood friend... you'll need to wear the animal-print briefs, a character boxers, and strangely, the white underwear you're sporting. Those types of underwear convey innocence and pureness. It reminds of the childhood charm and the memories of playing with each other- ah, I mean playing together. This one has got that symbolism where he rips off the underwear and he fucks you with that thought at the back of your head that, 'we're really adults now' and then he ravages you again and again and he cu-"

I stopped her from going any further. "Stop! I get the idea! TMI! TMI!" I sighed. "It's fine now! I'll get one for myself! J-j-just go home!"

"No! I need to know your type!" Supana pouts. "Let me see... ah! The rebellious tsundere type! Usually he's either younger or at the same age. Usually the narrative forces the two to interact and you see his 'dere' side. The underwear definitely has to be also innocent, but has that "teasing" vibe to it." She waves her hands around as if she's cuddling something round and soft. "Striped underwear and pink underwear definitely do the trick! It just has that "sexy cute" aura. You want to tease him, but not too much that he's a mumbling red-faced mess. After all, tsundere's are innocent when it comes to feelings and all of the emotional stuff! Don't wanna overwhelm him with too much sexiness! Striped ones definitely are a sure-go. They show off your butt quite well!"

_(Hm?)_ "I'm quite surprised that you didn't go with erotic stuff this time..."

She shrugged. "I mean, I thought it was too much information? I can bring it back if you want to...." She grinned.

"NO THANKS." I answered quickly before she gets anymore ideas.

"Third one! The shy, dandere!" The occult girl nods. "Contrary to popular belief, Dandere don't just refer to stuttering anime characters! They refer to just shy characters in general! Somtimes, they even have colorful outburst due to their shyness! Recommended underwear is opposite of the tsundere! You have to be "sexy sexy" instead of "sexy cute"."

"Huh? That doesn't make sense!" I argued, now totally getting into Supana's advice. "Wouldn't that also scare the shy one?"

"Hehehe~ With this, I've become the senpai! Bow down to me and feel my power!" She cackled. "But I mean, you're shy too so I get that you don't know this golden rule. Which is~ If he's quiet and shy, he's a kinky bastard deep inside!"

"Supana what the fu-"

"You gotta bring out the beast inside! Dominant? Submissive? You can tell immediately with how they respond to teasing! BTW, you're a definite sub."

"How the heck do you know these things??!!?" I asked, quite scared.

"I see, you're not denying it. You should've known. You're looking at the girl who reads every yaoi in her spare time! Please, I basically have a third eye when it comes to shipping!" 

"So... how to get shy, dominant guy...?" I don't care about grammar right now, I'm too embarrassed.

She puts a finger to her chin. "Be sexy _and_ enticing. Thongs should do the work... but if you're too shy, a lace underwear or maybe a fundoshi should catch his attention. Anything that makes his head creative and then that should do it! This underwear, combined with costumes will be a critical hit!"

"...Why are you teaching me how to be fucked by guys. Also, why are you so good at teaching me?"

"Yaoi fangirl, baybeeee~!!" She proudly declared. "Male love will conquer the world! On to the next~ Fourth one is~ the sunshine-sunflower type also known as the cute kohai type~ They're the ones who admire you so much! It won't take anything to impress them cause really, you've already impressed them. These are the types who are prone to being martyrs, allowing the other to do as he pleases. These types are usually confusing to identify if they're top or bottom so.... just have a rock-paper-scissors?" She shrugged. "They want to please you... so why not wrap the prize? Boxer-briefs, or boxers might excite them... maybe. I don't even know how they work too.... they are so volatile."

"Huh..." _(She's really making me consider a lot of options...)_

"Next one is~"

"Wait, there's more?!?" I asked in shock. We've been here for an hour now.

"I just picked the most common types! This is the last one I swear!" She pouted. "I wanted to share all 420 types with you... but five will suffice."

_(Four hundred and twenty?! By Kami that's a lot!!)_ "F-fine, get on with it. What's the fifth one."

"The straight man."

"The what." I froze. "What does that mean?"

"Well, I mean that in a comedic manner, the one who is the brunt of everyone's jokes... but now that I think about it... yeah. They act so straight that they aren't even good in showing affections. They're just there... being plain as day. Not knowing that a simple compliment or an I love you will suffice. I highly advice you to stay away from this one! Cause they are a hundred-percent the ones who'll hurt you because they're neglectful and dense!"

"Why did you tell me about this type anyway?!" I retorted.

"Well, I wanted to warn you.... and if you ever fell in love with this type, then you'll be prepared and might have a solution by then." She nods. "For the underwear.... eh. These straight men usually have their own _very specific kink_. Just find out and you'll be set. Maybe they like maid-roleplay or a nurse-roleplay.... garterbelts are in for those ones...."

"Wow... that's really helpful like those past advices...." I answered dryly.

"So.... which is your type~?" Supana asked eagerly.

I thought about it for a moment.... "You know what, there's still nothing. Don't have a preferred type."

"Nothing? As in at all?! No preference for any of them?!" Supana despaired.

I nodded. "Yeah... I see all of their charms, and honestly? I like them all."

"Boo... what do we do with the underwear then....?"

I scratched my head and mentally counted the money in my wallet. Sighing, I gave a response. "Let's buy all types?"

Supana's face lit up. "OH. EM. GEE. That is GENIUS!! Imma go ahead and get them all for you!!!" With Supana rushing out faster than I could get to say "No. I'll get them", I slumped in my chair.

Thinking to myself, I murmured out loud. "There's no way the things she's spouting is true.... They're probably fiction...." I sighed.

At least I got to bond with a friend today. Even if she's tedious and annoying, she's genuinely fun to be around. I love my precious friends.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi hello. Did you enjoy it? I like it a lot. It's been a while since I wrote for YanSim.


End file.
